Thoughts on Taylor Swift and My Experience Leaving Toxic Religion

In escaping high-control religion I found all of the love and support that my faith had promised me.

1989 was a wonderful year for humanity. Taylor Swift was born, and so was I. When she released 1989 I instantly felt connected to the music and to her, it was like she had released the album just for us. At the time I was working at a very small religious school, which I have since realized was a bit cult-y, and my students and I bonded over our shared obsession with the album.

The song “Wonderland” perfectly encapsulates my life when 1989 dropped. It discusses the allure of a toxic relationship, and how you can’t see it fully while you are in it. That is how I view my time practicing a restrictive religion. At the time, it was my entire life and I was quite literally in love with it. It’s where I found love, purpose, emotional regulation, stability, and community. But everything wasn’t as it seemed. I was so blinded by the seemingly positive message that told me that I was loved unconditionally despite all my flaws. What I was ignoring was the constant barrage of microaggressions telling me that everything bad in my life was my fault and worse yet, I deserved it. But wasn’t I so lucky to undeservingly be spared from the hateful demonic life that I should be left to?